Inspiration. Or... a kick in the pants.
"Do you create?"
Maybe those weren't the exact words. Maybe it was "Do you still create?" or "Do you ever create?"
But they have haunted me since they were said to me a few weeks ago.
Because the realization is...no...not really. I haven't had the time or the drive to create.
And that makes me very sad.
The winter was hard and cold and snowy and maybe that sapped my creativity. My work has been chaotic and full of change and yet more change is coming. As in...I won't have a job after June 30th.
So much snow this winter.
I should be panicked. I mean, I do have bills to pay and tummies to fill and one very reckless daughter's car insurance to pay. Instead I am angry. And I'm not sure what I am going to do.
I think I need to recharge. Look at some art. Experience something new. Maybe take a trip. Not rush.
Picasso: Seated Woman.
From No. 52: Spend the day at the Museum
And maybe the words will come back to me.
When I first started this blog, I had to create. The posts wrote themselves. They insisted on being written. All I had to do was sit down and tap the keyboard and Voila! words making sentences making a story. I revelled in completing the challenges, finding new things to share, experiencing life.
Recently though, my mind has been consumed mostly by work.
But. I LOVE my job, I say. I love the people I work with, I love the patients. I love my window next to my tiny desk.
Then I had a premonition. My life was due for a correction. Things were going too well. Just like when the stock market gets too high, too rowdy and things crash a bit.
Amazing how intuitive we can be if we listen.
I ran over my prescription glasses with the car. The kitchen sink drains both started leaking. The roof seems to be molting with every gust of wind. There's a funky smell coming from the basement.
And my employment is ending. No fault of my own. The office as I know it will just cease to exist.
So maybe this is just a kick in the pants. A reminder that a complacent mind loses its creativity.
Because I want the answer to that question at the very top to be "Yes. All the time."
